Mammogram Musings, By Paige Norman
Who decided that there should be TV’s in the waiting
room and ALL of the exam/procedure rooms?
Who decided that swimming fish and coral reefs was what
people wanted to surround them while having their breasts flattened?
And WHY is the sound off? How much noise can fish and coral
reefs actually make?
For you men who complain about prostate exams, get a
grip. Seriously. Try imagining your jewels
laid on a slanted Lucite/metal slab while you hold your breath for what SEEMS
like an eternity (but is really only about 10 seconds). While your
jewels are on this slab, they are being pressed nearly flat by a second
Lucite/metal slab. You must stand JUST SO (arm this way, shoulders
relaxed, face this way, hold your breath, don’t move). And you
must do this four times (at minimum) – two on the side and two
top/bottom. You are completely exposed to the machine except for a
lovely drape that really only pretends to guard your
modesty.
I thought that women with larger breasts would
experience less pain and discomfort than women with smaller (less than B) cup
sizes; according to my technician, this is untrue. Go
figure.
I have “dense” breasts. Do they offer
classes for this? Can my breasts get smarter?
(“dense” has several meanings, this is a JOKE!) But it’s
worth a snicker every time the technician says the
word.
I think that part of the mammogram service should be a
full body massage. After all, you’re mostly naked anyways, lying
there for the ultrasound with goopy stuff all over you and covered by a
towel. What would it hurt to have a massage
afterwards?
I can’t imagine a woman born before the 70’s
considering having a mammogram without having embarrassment. Have
I mentioned the mostly naked part?
After all is said and done, I still recommend that
EVERY woman get a mammogram. I had my first one at 36 (after my
last child had stopped nursing) and have had one almost every year since
then. I pray I am one of the women who never has to hear the
diagnosis of “breast cancer” or even a “lump”.
Embarrassment,
discomfort and goopy stuff aside, do it. But ask for the massage
afterwards!
By Paige Norman
Education Hill neighbor
excerpted from Paige's Prattle
Thank you, Paige for your candid and humorous piece. Demystifying the annual mammogram is a public service if it saves one woman!
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