Mammogram Musings, By Paige Norman
Who decided that there should be TV’s in the waiting room and ALL of the exam/procedure rooms?
Who decided that swimming fish and coral reefs was what people wanted to surround them while having their breasts flattened? And WHY is the sound off? How much noise can fish and coral reefs actually make?
For you men who complain about prostate exams, get a grip. Seriously. Try imagining your jewels laid on a slanted Lucite/metal slab while you hold your breath for what SEEMS like an eternity (but is really only about 10 seconds). While your jewels are on this slab, they are being pressed nearly flat by a second Lucite/metal slab. You must stand JUST SO (arm this way, shoulders relaxed, face this way, hold your breath, don’t move). And you must do this four times (at minimum) – two on the side and two top/bottom. You are completely exposed to the machine except for a lovely drape that really only pretends to guard your modesty.
I thought that women with larger breasts would experience less pain and discomfort than women with smaller (less than B) cup sizes; according to my technician, this is untrue. Go figure.
I have “dense” breasts. Do they offer classes for this? Can my breasts get smarter? (“dense” has several meanings, this is a JOKE!) But it’s worth a snicker every time the technician says the word.
I think that part of the mammogram service should be a full body massage. After all, you’re mostly naked anyways, lying there for the ultrasound with goopy stuff all over you and covered by a towel. What would it hurt to have a massage afterwards?
I can’t imagine a woman born before the 70’s considering having a mammogram without having embarrassment. Have I mentioned the mostly naked part?
After all is said and done, I still recommend that EVERY woman get a mammogram. I had my first one at 36 (after my last child had stopped nursing) and have had one almost every year since then. I pray I am one of the women who never has to hear the diagnosis of “breast cancer” or even a “lump”.
Embarrassment, discomfort and goopy stuff aside, do it. But ask for the massage afterwards!
By Paige Norman
Education Hill neighbor
excerpted from Paige's Prattle